Paper Titans Review (iOS)

Think of a stereotypical beauty pageant (careful now), attractive women wafting about the place with gleaming smiles and gorgeous… dresses. You watch as they parade around the stage, practically perfect in every way, bewitching the judges and trying to earn the right to call themselves Miss Somewhere or Other. Then one of them opens their mouth and ohmycrappingGod they’re definitely on the far left of the intelligence bell curve.

Paper Titans is that beauty contest participant. Team Lumo & Blitz Games have managed to create one of the most aesthetically appealing apps I’ve ever seen: the art style is beautiful, the music works (and isn’t so annoying that I turn it off in under 30 seconds) and the little monsters are so cute I’m considering getting someone to make up the paper nets for me. If only it wasn’t so bloody boring.

Each level sees you dispatching and dragging several varieties of Titan across a puzzle map filled with obstacles. Some Titans just function as collectors and others can be used to burn things down or serve as springboards. In order to beat a level you need to get your collecting Titan to a letter. Why a letter, I do not know. You’ll earn extra bonus points for retrieving stars, three of which will be dotted around the puzzle in mildly inconvenient locations.

Unfortunately for Paper Titans at no point have I been even vaguely stumped by one of their levels. Not even the ones with sneakily hidden stars or a myriad of different levels to negotiate take less than a minute to suss and then several tedious minutes of waiting as your Titans squeak and squawk their way around the map. After several hours of playing and about half the way through the game I was heartily sick of the whole thing and just doing the bare minimum to pass the level.

There is just nothing here to make someone return to this game; no addictive game play or “just one more try” at an especially taxing level – I can’t even tell if this game was designed for children and I’m being overly and unfairly critical. I’m genuinely sad this game offers so little as it looks like a lot of love, time and thought has gone in to its development but for £1.99 there’s just precious little game to be had. If I’m honest, that’s a premium price on iOS for a not premium game.